| amidst it all again |
[03 May 2004|02:22pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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so once again i'm in that rut where being happy seems impossible.. im always depressed.. im always hurt... i'm out of place where ever i go... sucking it up for work and when im around people day in and day out is just getting to me.. all that effort is starting to crush me... ive broken down a cople times and reverted back to an old self destructive habit... even mind altering substances do nothing to solve whats going on.. i guess there comes a time to cut your losses and just leave... i think the time is nearing
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| lately |
[30 Apr 2004|01:53pm] |
i got into 2 accidents in a week... one was teh scariest moment of my life with my truck swerving over 3 lanes on the freeway before crashing into the center divider... luckily there wasnt a scratch or dent other than the ones that were already on the bumper from the accident before
got a tattoo a few weeks ago... i dont have a way to put a picture on here but ask me for it and ill show ya
health is sucking... my destructive habit is catching up to me
i guess im gonna start school in the fall
love life. . . phuck it, i cant find another girl to make me happy
job... i was the #1 salesperson last month.. get a nice big fat bonus check soon
family... still pretty crazy but my grandma is gone for 3 weeks so at least she is off my back
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| feeling like im due for a miracle.. |
[02 Mar 2004|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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lostprophets - last train home |
] |
and that miracle may come soon...
why settle for ground beef when i can wait for filet mignon?
lunch is a yummy meal
Story of the Year has taken over my CD player
going to San Felipe for spring break
Cabo San Lucas and a cruise (to i dont know where yet) this summer
work is good.. sweet benefits.. im making even more money now.. but there has been alotta people i just punch and slam their head on the table..
i want the Chappelle show 1st season on dvd
the big one nine is a little less than 2 months away.. start saving up.. or bake me something.. i enjoy brownies and cookies
im starting to see results from working out.. i am very pleased..
ive been outta high school for almost a year now... alotta dumb people who arent missed or i just stopped missing
and i wonder if theyll ever end?
why am i fighting to live if im just living to fight?
why am i trying to see if theres nothing in sight?
why am i trying to give when no one gives me a try?
why am i dying to live if im just living to die?
i wont close my eyes til i understand or go blind
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| the comfort issue |
[24 Feb 2004|08:39pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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story of the year - park ave |
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ive been feeling really out of it lately and i just kinda drift thru everyday.. my head isnt into things anymore.. school, work, family, friends, girls.. everything........ i dont feel comfortable anywhere.. im uncomfortable when im at home, at work, at my friend's house (which is practically my 2nd home), even when im alone... i went to my cousin's house yesterday to spend the night to try and get away from all but i even didnt feel right while i was there and i only got a couple hours of sleep.. then on the hour drive home, stuff just hit me again.. i started thinking about my dad again too.. didnt go too well.. so thru the ashes, i tried calling 2 people, one was unreachable... and when i tried to call the one i really really wanted to talk to and have been missing immensely, my phone wouldnt let it go thru for whatever reason (eventho it went thru for other numbers)
i need to get my life back on track.. quit something, start up some other things again, clear my head of other stuff... and all i can do is hope that stuff falls back into place and stays that way for the rest of time
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| so here i am... |
[16 Feb 2004|07:47pm] |
its hard to think, let alone type when you cant feel your head
i think ive come to a decision.. its time to make my move =)
i have a new (but equally destructive) way of anger management
speaking of anger management, i got the dvd today along with freaky friday
"gooz frah-ba"
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| i stand alone... im on my own |
[14 Feb 2004|10:41pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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jay z - dirt off yo shoulders |
] |
i cant feel my head so heres a random update:
been around.. doing the same thing
work has been ok.. wouldnt hurt if i sold more
The Chappelle Show is hilarious
i want the HalfBaked DVD
girls: same feelings on them.. still dont get them.. but i like/want them/one
saw You Got Served.. i wanna learn to backflip
today happens to be valentines day so heres my vday rundown/lesson
cigarettes
+
2 pounds of SweetHearts
=
feeling like donkeycrap on a parade route
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| and when i thought my mood couldnt get worse... |
[03 Feb 2004|11:02pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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incubus - i wish you were here |
] |
earlier today i started thinking about my dad and just wondering "hows that guy doin?" when i realized today is 5 months since he died and hit me hard (which still happens) that he really is gone.. i played over in my head the last time i talked to him on the phone, seeing him in the hospital and the last time i got to see him.. the 5 minutes i took to ID his body before he got cremated... i was driving alone when it happened and i wanted to call someone but i knew i had nothing to say.. i was really wishing for someone who i could just sit there with and not hafta say much, if anything, and they would know how i feel.. but right now there isnt anyone like that.........
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| trying to get out of "effect" |
[02 Feb 2004|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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usher, lil jon, ludacris - yeah |
] |
if i could change something about myself, i'd open up to people and be myself alot faster.. like BOOM! this is the real Jeremy. not some b.s. lil shy guy cuz i'm far from it to the people who know me.. it might just be that i think things over.. i wish i knew but right now i dont.. something im just gonna work on until next time cuz i dont wanna mess up something that could potentially be great..
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| again... |
[29 Jan 2004|01:44pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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taking back sunday - cute without the "e" |
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so last night, i got out of my truck when i got home adn i happened to notice the stars and it was just a perfect night for star gazing... so i was chillin for a while just looking at the sky when it dawned on me that life is beautiful and things will get better... i need more of those nights cuz it seems like every time i do that, alotta good things happen, or maybe its just my outlook on things.... well i know a GREAT thing is happening on saturday night which im really looking forward to.. tho a bit nervous but i know it'll be fun and im gonna have a ggood time wth a kool person
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| long time no update |
[25 Jan 2004|10:55pm] |
soooooooooooo... its been a while
life got crazy after the last time i updated.. it was good for about 2 weeks then just went WAY down and on top of that, i was helping other people with their problems... i picked up a really bad habit.. things are settled now... i just started on getting my real estate license so i can make truckloads of bling-a-bling-a-blaow... also i dropped the habit, for a damb good reason too... CUZ I HAVE A HOT DATE NEXT WEEK WITH A REALLY KOOL GIRL.... im really excited and shes really awesome and super pretty and i can see things happening in a good way....so thats my update, life is looking alot better now.. hopefully i wont wait so long to update again
by the way, if you thought i died cuz i stopped going online for a few weeks, you're a damb moron
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| this dream wont change at all |
[01 Dec 2003|05:18pm] |
i havent updated for a while but cuz my heart isn't into it anymore.. i only go online for one thing. . .i've lost my interest in alot of things. . .somethings i just wanna quit. . .i wanna take a semester off school to get my stuff and especially my head together but i doubt that'll happen. . .other things i've been gung-ho for are just there, things to do now... theres only one thing im really looking forward to but its kinda a ways away and its pretty much only a possibility and i'll probly mess things up before it gets that far but im gonna try my hardest not to be stoopid cuz its something thats worth doing, a rarity these days... i miss the good ol days of like a year ago
...hopefully this is all a passing phase along with being sick but i seem to be getting sicker so i'll hafta see
i've come to realize i wouldnt really mind death. .like if a car came plowing into me tomorrow, i'd be alrite with it cuz things like that hafta happen. . what i am afraid of is going blind
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| stars are out tonite but you're the brightest one in my sky |
[18 Nov 2003|11:45pm] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
] |
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music |
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Peter Cetera - Glory of Love... (great song good memories) |
] |
so tonite i noticed how clear the sky was so i put a mat out in the back of my truck and just laid out and stared at the sky for a while.. i thought about a convo i had today with a certain someone and those 2 things put together just made me think for a few minutes, that amidst all the shit going on, life is phucken beautiful
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| i can tell why i got this one |
[17 Nov 2003|10:25pm] |
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.
"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."
The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.
As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| sweeeeeeeeeet |
[07 Nov 2003|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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it dies today - the last face she'll ever see |
] |
the last 2 days have been real good. . .been finishing things up, been creative, been brave, good things have been happening, made good in tips today, have a job interview on tues. . overall just really really great last couple days. . last nite, picked up ana and we went driving up in the Orange Hills or whatever, ended up in what we think is Lake Forest, and just looked at some phucken ginormous houses... im gonna have a house up there someday. . .my arms are sore from all the twists and turns and i think my truck got a little tired from it but it was lots of fun
i re-did my LJ somewhat
. . a dollar if you know where my background came from
it mite be hard to tell because i made it in different colors and i put the bright white light in the middle. . .(minor in digital art, here i come). . .jsut been playing around with stuff on photoshop and decided to use it as a background
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| my memory is the only thing keeping these old tears in my eyes |
[05 Nov 2003|10:35pm] |
course of events today made me feel pretty crappy tonite. . .whatever
streaking
i think i wanna get a minor in Digital Arts so i can learn to do some crazy thing on Photoshop. . its something i think i would have lots of fun in so i'll look into it more
i ordered both BTBAM CDs on monday. . wont get here til next monday, that sux.. i shoulda shelled out more money to get it faster
speaking of blowing money, i guess gratitude is dead
been meeting lots of kool people
fraternity life is way fun. . theres a formal in a couple weeks. .still deciding if theres a lady out there worth taking (i learned my lesson from the crappy time at the MD homecoming). .already have a back-up. . but keeping an eye out
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